Today has been one of those days.
I felt him in the sun on my run this morning, when I couldn’t tell my tears from sweat.
The feeling of missing him has become so apart of me that when I feel any amount of reprieve, it hits that much harder. I find that this process of healing feels a bit like leading a double-life. I can keep moving forward and having fun, but I am always carrying this bag of grief on my shoulder.
Sometimes I feel so alone in this hole of grief. I can look up and see the sun, and climb towards the light, but I feel like nobody can hear my pleas for help. I can’t point to a broken bone and ask for help. I can’t show you where it hurts. I just find myself suddenly keeled over grasping at my heart, begging God to bring him back. Then I think about you. I think about all the people loving me and giving me infinite support and I start to feel like I can breath again. I start to feel like maybe I can keep going.